Emotional Resilience

If you do an internet search, you will find the definition as follows “One’s ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises. More resilient people are able to ‘roll with the punches’ and adapt to adversity without lasting difficulties; less resilient people have a harder time with stress and life changes, both major and minor”

Reading this definition does not line up completely with how I would associate with it in my life. Maybe my definition adds to it, maybe it conflicts, I am honestly not sure. Just think there is more to it than just rolling with what life gives you.

I would include the following in the definition…

Allowing yourself to feel your emotions and not ignore them. Honor your feelings, know they are valid and do not need to be justified. If you feel like crying or need to scream, then do it! I think there is a little hint of danger in the definition that came up in my internet search. It implies pushing down, ignoring or even suppressing your raw and very real emotions. In my humble opinion, you are only “strong” and “resilient” if you actually work through what is bothering you. Taking the time to listen to what you need and how you feel. Avoiding or ignoring problems/feelings will not make them magically go away, but instead come up later to bother you.

I also do not like the statement about “less resilient people have a harder time with stress and life changes”. Life is beautiful but it is also messy, difficult and unexpected events can really shake us up. Change is constant and difficult to handle, especially when it comes all at once or in such a large impact to us and those around us. Just because a life situation impacts you does not mean you are not resilient. It means you are human. You are experiencing real emotions, fears and even doubts. Again, I feel that if you “just move on” or “just roll with it” it could mean sweeping emotions under the rug just to be uncovered later. I feel you are resilient if you allow yourself to feel what is happening. You are gentle and kind to yourself. You do not judge yourself or make unrealistic expectations on how to handle a situation. You give yourself time to process. Even make a plan to move forward. Focusing on gratitude and hope to get through and just doing your best. Knowing that there are days when you will be not as productive as others but you are still trying, you are still resilient.

Making yourself a priority. Before comforting someone else who is upset, take an inventory of how you feel. It is sometimes in our nature to put others first. We see it as a badge of honor to take care of others and then if there is time, take care of ourselves. Taking a moment to recognize the impact on you due to the life situation is critically important. If your focus is solely on helping the other person, then you are just ignoring yourself. Could be as simple as removing yourself to a quiet space, closing your eyes and just breathing.

Asking for help. Either from a family member, friend or trained professional. Knowing you have support, are not alone and not the first person to have a certain difficult situation in life is comforting. Talking about your feelings might sometimes feel like you are just repeating or replaying the events. It might not seem like a path forward. But often when you explain things, there are insights that arise that you did not know at the time it was happening.

Adjust and make a plan when necessary. Sometimes there are situations which require us to be resilient by actually making a change in our life or lifestyle. It might be financial, social, etc. The reasons are broad and vary based on many situations. I think the strong adapt. I think about survival of the fittest. I think part of being resilient is the openness to change, even when it is not wanted or difficult to do.

Ways that I have found to be emotionally resilient or in my definition, taking time for yourself, being gentle and kind and allowing your feelings to be expressed so you can understand them better.

  • Pranayama (breathing exercise) to deepen the exhale to allow a relaxation to the body and the mind. This also invokes the rest/digest nervous system or parasympathetic nervous system. You can also include simple movements before doing a pranayama to open up the muscles of the rib cage and allow the lungs to expand more easily.
    • Side stretches (half moon 1)
    • Twists
    • Forward fold (child’s pose, seated forward fold, rag doll uttanasana), wide-legged forward fold either seated or standing)
    • Small backbend (cobra, sphinx, or supine version like supported fish or bridge)
    • Pranayama to deepen the exhale or invoke the rest/digest nervous system include = Nadi Shodhana with inhale via left and exhale out right nostril; Bhramari or Bee’s Breath; Diaphragmatic breathing are a few I enjoy.
  • Journaling or writing down a bullet point list without judgements.
  • Soul Collage which is not therapy but a way to utilize pictures you select to have a conversation with them to find out more about how and why you feel a certain way. It is a creative outlet to start a journaling exercise. It is similar to using Oracle cards to get the conversation started in order to journal and explore how you feel.
  • Yin, Restorative, Nidra, Meditation alone or guided. All ways to use the tools of yoga to have some quiet time to let your mind settle so your truth can bubble up the surface.
  • Giving yourself the time and space to be alone, cry, scream, punch a pillow! Scheduling time for you is a critical component.
  • Talk to someone. If the first person you reach out to does not help, then try someone else or a trained professional.
  • Make a plan or even a small and achievable to do list. Marking items off to get to a better and more manageable state.
  • Exercise, try something new, do something creative, etc. Allow yourself to play and have fun with something. Not needing to be good at something to get benefit from it.
    • Mine include…hula hooping, coloring books, playing with singing bowls and my gemstone collection, rebounder (mini trampoline), walking (outdoors & treadmill) and dancing to music

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